Don't Expect to Change in Marriage What you allow in Courtship......

Mrs Ronke Ajayi is like many people who truly believe that marriage is made in heaven. That is if the couple allowed God right from the beginning to guide them into the union. In this interview she talks about the dos and don’ts of courtship.
 Excerpts...

I got married in August 2000 to Lamide Ajayi. We are both entrepreneurs and we have three children. My husband is into construction engineering while I distribute non-alcoholic drinks. I worship at Foursquare Gospel Church , Egbeda and work with teenagers and singles.

We also have a foundation known as Kingdom Pillars Foundation, through which we organize outreach programmes to educate secondary school students on issues of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, pornography and such other issues that have to deal with teenagers. We go from school to school.

The singles ministry is all about preparing singles for marriage. In this regard, we talk about the law of dating. One of the reasons people don’t get fulfillment in their marriage is that they don’t have a life of their own. Where this is the case, the individual will become dependent on another person, which is not supposed to be so. There is no human being that has been structured to fulfill all your needs. So that is why it is important that singles build a life for themselves, they should not be desperate. When people don’t have a life, they become desperate, dependent and despondent. All these things are not healthy. And once the other party sees that you are over-dependent, the relationship will suffer and may even be destroyed.

What do girls look out for in a man and what should they look out for in man?
We live in a culture that is highly materialistic and so when single ladies are looking for a spouse, you find that they are looking for a man who is settled and has a house, a car and probably a job in Chevron or MTN or GLO. Usually these are the things that they look out for and which are physical things. These things are not bad in themselves, but they should not be the first things to look out for in a guy.

When I talk to singles, I say they should look for a man (or a woman as this thing applies to both gender), who has the fear of God. This is very critical because somebody who loves God will be able to love you the way God wants him to love you and not necessarily a man that is very rich. Like the case of my husband and I, he wasn’t rich at the time we got married. He just started a small enterprise at a time when it wasn’t popular to be an entrepreneur.

To the people around, he wasn’t the type of man you would say a woman should get married to because he didn’t have a job in Chevron and worst of it was that he had family issues. He didn’t have money. Money is not the first thing that one should look at because it is a lifetime issue. Money is good because it will meet needs and other things but it is not the first thing.

So when I married my husband, he didn’t have fat salaries and I could count the number of shoes and clothes he had. He didn’t have a car but I looked at my husband and saw that he had potentials and loved God. I also saw that he knew the purpose of God for his life and was ready to fulfill that purpose. He wasn’t a lazy man because he was already working unlike someone who wasn’t working and not ready to work. He was doing something at hand and I could see all those things even though he didn’t have physical cash, but I saw potentials.

So I say to singles, don’t marry the container but look at the content because there are guys who are very rich now but in the long run they are nothing to write home about. Another thing is that most singles set criteria. Back in my school days, whenever we prayed for a spouse, one of my friends always said that she wanted a guy who was made and rich and who lives abroad.

When you tell her that her feelings were not the right criteria for a good husband, she would disagree, insisting that she knew what she wanted. These are the challenges of today’s singles – they want to meet up with certain criteria and believe they have to meet up forgetting that in destiny there is no competition. So every man should work and take things easy, follow God and do the right thing.

So when the lady is looking for a spouse, it should be someone who is God-fearing, and would share your values, share your vision and make you fulfilled. Then every other thing like cars, houses, thriving businesses and others will come over the years. Just like the bible says that he that finds a wife finds favour from God, if you find the right spouse and vice versa then there is favour with you and everything will be well as you go on in life’s journey.

How would one know the right spouse?
Knowing is very easy but you must know God. There is so much information that we can get it, but because we don’t know God we can’t access such information. It is sad that many of us think that we just appeared on the surface of this earth.

We must recognize God and know that He created us for a purpose. And so when you know that, you will know that it is not every man that a woman can marry but that there is a specific man for a specific woman. Before you can know this, you need to know what God created you for; it is only that you would be able to discover who God created you for, and thereby be able to know the person who can help you fulfill that purpose for God created you.

A lot of people particularly in Christendom want to know God when they want to know the spouse they want to marry or time for marriage. That is not the proper way; it is like when you have a daughter who wants to be your friend only when she needs something from you. It is not the ideal but you should have a relationship with God, fellowship with him, hate what He hates and love what He loves and as you do that he helps you with every aspect of your life like career and business.

When time comes to choose a spouse, marriage will not be a big deal. Before I got married, so many people came my way - pastors and Christians. Each time I took them to the Lord in prayers, I got instruction on how to go about them and when my husband came I knew he was the one. So an effective and functional relationship with God ensures that one will know the right spouse.

I also tell people that marriage is not all about sex. When a guy meets a girl, the next thing is that they have started sleeping with each other. That is not the order because marriage is not all about sex; there are so many things that go into marriage. When you go into marriage with that foundation, the marriage cannot be sustained if eventually you get married because there would not be trust between both partners. And it doesn’t allow for peace, progress and cohesion which a true marriage relationship needs and that is why it is important you walk in the way of God and keep yourself pure. Then there will be less divorce, separation and violent cases around which are as a result of dysfunctional homes.

We teach that people get it right when they meet with the guy, what things to look out for on the first date with the guy and he asks you to marry him. Start as friends, get to know him, his temperament, background and everything that needs to be known about him and as you do so take it to God in prayer simultaneously.

Do you agree with the belief that beautiful girls don’t marry on time?
I don’t agree that pretty girls don’t get married on time except if they are pretty girls who are proud, not humble or submissive and believe so much in their wealth. I know of a girl who started working as a young graduate, got everything going for her. Usually guys are afraid of such ladies – they feel that the lady is already made.

We tell guys not to be afraid if they are sure it is God’s direction for their life but to take time and be close to such person. That was the case with me and my husband; when we first met, we began as friends. Aside these mentioned points, about 5 percent are curses but most of them could be that she is so proud, insolent and not respectful. These are the things guys look out for when they want to marry; nobody man wants to marry a lady that will abuse his mother or mess him up before his friends. These are what I see that could make a pretty lady not marry early.

Why do men stray even when they are married?
First, let me say that whatever you allow in courtship, don’t expect to disallow it in marriage. Most times when people are in courtship, the guy has two or more ladies and usually everyone is aware and none of them is speaking against it and eventually one of them wins and when she enters the marriage she expects the man to change; he can’t change because he has been like that and she saw him like that.

On the part of the man, it has to do with indiscipline and lack of fear of God. A man that doesn’t know and love God can never love anybody, not even himself. A man that will love a woman must be a man who first loves God and has accepted the love of God for himself and is walking in that love of God. When we talk about the dos and don’ts of relationship, we say be careful who you want to marry and make sure he knows God.

A man who does not know God cannot love you because he hasn’t experienced the love of God, likewise the woman. Some women are married and are into extramarital relationships. So, any man or woman who doesn’t love God and is not walking in the fear of God, will do all sorts of things.
In addition to loving God, there is the need to discipline oneself and work on the emotions, be emotionally accountable. A lot of people are not emotionally accountable.

For example, the fact that you got married to a particular guy doesn’t mean you will not be attracted to some other people somewhere, sometime in your life but the difference between those who fall into such sin and those who don’t is basically emotional accountability. If you are emotionally accountable, you know that you are not only going to be faithful to your spouse with your mouth – speech and vows alone but also faithful in your thoughts so that when the thought of temptation and challenges come (because some women go to the length of wooing a man even when they know he is married) the place of discipline comes in; when you tame yourself and say that even though others are doing it, I can’t do it because of destiny, because I know where I am going to.

Most great men fall into the temptation of women, money, fame and so many other forms of temptation the devil brings across our way, but the one of men with women is a very critical issue and that is why every man must work on himself. We are humans even when we are Christians, spirit-filled and close to God. You must appreciate that limit so that when you are beginning to go off your boundary, you should know that this is not it and at that moment you should be accountable to your spouse.

Do you accept the view that men have a trait to always stray or go outside?
In my own opinion, I don’t think that it is what makes a real man. Part of what makes a man is integrity and it has to do with our emotions, feelings and how we handle issues and people around us. Particularly in Africa , a lot of men say if it feels right then let me have it, but should not be so. Everything we do is a seed and you will always come back to it. Like a woman I know, she had a business and was keeping an extramarital relationship.

What most men and women don’t know is that once you delve into the issue of infidelity, it is not just the physical body alone that it affects but everything about you even to your finances and business because it is a sin and sin gives the devil a foothold to attack. The lady was enjoying it, making contacts and having the fun because the husband wasn’t staying in Lagos and so was coming around.

I called her and told her that what she was doing would not prosper her husband. It goes for the man as well, no matter how the man or woman is toiling, infidelity doesn’t make a marriage to be strong, it doesn’t fortify the union, but rather it opens the marriage or family to the attacks of the devil which could come through the children, finances, business and so on. Once infidelity sets into the union, there is a legal ground for the devil to attack.

So that is why men should think beyond their physical urge because it goes beyond that. Once a man or woman goes into it, they are walking the path of destruction. The institution of marriage is ordained of God and we cannot talk about marriage and every other thing without God because He started it, so we must do it the way He wants it done.

Some people believe that long courtship enables the intending couple to know themselves better. So, how long should courtship last?
I don’t believe in courting for too long, but a maximum of two years is okay. The truth is that it takes a long while to really know a person. If you spend five years ‘courting and studying’ the person, how long will also spend learning about him when the marriage actually starts. The whole of the marital years are also supposed to be a learning period.

It is expected that you should discover new interesting things about your spouse daily. This keeps the marriage fresh. But if you are someone who is spirit-filled and prayerful, God will reveal the person. Like when I met my husband there were so many things God told me about him, his kind of person, his family background and his assignment; so I will say it is very important to work on all those details and get to know them.

What other things should be the foundation of marriage?
We should not put sex as a foundation in marriage. Communication in relationship is important. In every relationship, there are two types of communication – the verbal and non-verbal; for every relationship in marriage and in courtship, the verbal aspect is what is acceptable by God - keep talking and fining out as many things as possible from your spouse. It’s amazing that you want to get married to somebody and you don’t know his middle name, his secondary school and so much information and this is somebody you want to be joined together with forever.

That is why two years is encouraged and not a lengthy courtship because it may lead into sin and so many things. A recent study that interviewed a guy that broke off from a courtship of about five years said the reason he did it was that they had been living together and he was no longer sure of actually being in love with the lady or her body. When a guy has been sleeping with a lady and having all the fun, his commitment towards marriage is reduced because he has been having it, the things he should have in marriage, he is already having, so why get married?

Therefore, it is not good to have a long courtship. To avoid such sins, once you are sure and convinced about it, then you can go into marriage. Relationship experts say two years are in order, though some have it less than that to get to know somebody sufficiently. After all, people make enquiry if they want to go to the university or go into a business but why don’t we do the same when going into marriage?

How can one tell he or she is in love?
That is a very big question; how do you tell you are in love? Usually when you meet someone, there is usually this chemistry that makes you attracted to this person and say that you think that you feel you like this person and the person likes you in return and gradually you begin to talk and get to know surface information about the person, his name, place of work, which is known as the acquaintance level and from there it grows. But it is amazing how people just get into this process and simply assume that things will fall in place.

As things grow, you enter the friendship level where you get to know deeper things about him like his birthday, personal issues like his family, his values in the area of money and so on. This helps you know if you can flow together when you get married but when you jump this process and get married then you begin to discover things you didn’t know anything about him, which is like doing the courtship in marriage because you are married to a stranger.

Also it is not all courtship relationship that will end up in marriage. Besides, a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage; if a guy or lady is not ready to change in marriage because because we are not yet perfect but striving to get perfect and that is why in courtship we get to learn about our spouses character and learn to work on them or adapt to them

How to be a real woman to your man…

 

''The bible states that a good wife is more precious than the finest jewel. What is a good woman you may ask? Does her beauty measure a good woman? Oh maybe it’s how curved her hips are and the size of her breast. Let me see, could it be the sorority she has joined, or what family she is from.''

Hold up wait a minute, it’s none of the above for a real woman. A pretty face and nice body can catch a man but it takes more than that to keep one. 

The first fact is that a man needs more than sex he needs a friend. Men notice more than some women think they do. They can and often pick up on the fake from the real. Girls don’t be fooled, just because a man allows a woman to go on with the faking and shaking thing. Thinking to herself she is certified “Gods Gift” to man, because she’s a ten by society’s standards or from the right side of the track. Only to find out that he is seeing somebody less attractive, not by her standards as classy, she may even come from the wrong side of the track. Guess what she makes him feel like a man…. She gives him the strength he needs to continue on, when the weight of the world is on his shoulder.

No matter how much education you have, how pretty or fine you are without character, and the qualities that Proverbs speak of, you aren’t raising any sand. Having the ability to read his feeling without him speaking a word, is one of the best quality a woman could possess.

What is the purpose of nagging, if he looks at another woman and you freak out? The only man that doesn’t admire a woman is blind or dead. Just because he looks doesn’t mean he want to take her to bed. If he wanted somebody to nag, him he would go to his mother. Every man passed a certain age has loved and been loved before. The past should not matter. You should make your own place in his life; everybody has a hand you have to make your hand different. Do that and someone may ask for it?

Get to know the man, and inner man, we as women do every thing in world to get the man we want. We fix ourselves up, cook, clean and whatever. Once we feel GOTCHA then the gloves come off. When we see a few things that are annoying in the man, we say to ourselves “oh that will pass”, or “he’ll change after I get him”. Girlfriend! What you see is what you get. You are not his mother you are his mate. Never think you can change anybody, if the Lord doesn’t do it, trust me you can’t. If you push a man to be something that he isn’t you will create a man that we lie to you just to shut you up or a man that begin to creep. Before you know it, you may have a man that is no longer your man but her man.

I’ve asked several young men, what they like and dislike in the women of today. They replied that they want realness, they get tired of girls that act one way in the presence of him and she is a totally different person in the presence of her friends. When dealing with the heart, deal with the heart on the level of the heart. If you hurt say you hurt, be for real not fake, you will get more bees with honey than vinegar.

When you meet a man that you like, talk to him find out if you have any of the same interest. The best way to start off is as friends. You will learn more about him as a friend than if you were to start off in a relationship. Forget about his past relationships. If he has habits that you don’t like, if you feel you can’t live with them don’t. Always be yourself, don’t put on, and never try to be something that you are not. Like the old folks say, if it doesn’t come out in the wash it will truly come out in the rinse. You can only front for so long and there is no future in the fronting…. If you don’t like to clean up you just may not be as domestic as the next but you probably have other qualities that far surpass the qualities of the next. If it gets too bad he will help you clean up! I assure you in most cases, to have a woman that has his back he will hire a maid.

You will find that making a man feel like a man doesn’t mean jumping in bed with him. Listening to him, really listening to him is a start. Making him know that if he loss all he owned that he wouldn’t lose you. If he made a mistake, you would have a heart to forgive. When it seems that the whole world is against him it’s you and him against the world. If he has a dream and you truly don’t see it, then chances are you aren’t in it…you should believe in your man and his dreams. When a man feels that his woman really believes in him he can do anything.

The information that I’m expressing comes directly from young men from all walks of life. I found that no matter what walk of life he came from they all wanted the same basic qualities that I’ve expressed in the above information, on what a man wants in a woman. Even the bad guys, wanted a good woman, several guys said they once were good men until hurt by love. So be real, if you can.

God Bless you

Women Are Truly Amazing

By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts,  all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No way!", said the Angel.  The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pair of eyes that the mothers must have!"

"And that's just the standard model?" asked the Angel. The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing, even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word." The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day."


Wait until tomorrow to finish. "But I can't!" the Lord protested, "I'm so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick and can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger and can get a nine year-old to stand in the shower!"

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek."Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak,"  the Lord objected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?", the Angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything. Women are truly amazing!"  

 

 

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The True Meaning of LOVE - A Touching Story

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. . I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face... Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. ... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread..... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone... That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...


Enjoy!

Real Woman's World: Man Enough to Love a Real Woman

Real Woman's World: Man Enough to Love a Real Woman: This article is strictly for Single Matured Men!!! Ladies keep off for now.........                                                    ...

Man Enough to Love a Real Woman

This article is strictly for Single Matured Men!!! Ladies keep off for now.........

Cory, one of my happily      married friends, was annoyed with some of his single, male buddies. "Joshua, it's so irritating," he said. "I suggest a woman to them, but they say 'she's not attractive enough,' or she's lacking in some other area. And here's the crazy part: In every case — without exception — the woman is way out of their league." I shook my head. "I know. I used to be like those guys, always finding a problem with every woman I dated. I didn't realize I was the one with the problem." And my problem was pride. I measured women against a vague standard of perfection that eliminated each woman almost as soon as I met her. It was a pageant of sorts, where women were scored in a number of categories. And somehow I had gotten it into my head that I was worthy to be their judge. The Perfect Christian Girl I was like a lot of single, Christian guys. I just wanted to follow God's will in finding a wife — that's all — oh yeah, and I also wanted a modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, I didn't want her to be too needy. Oh, and she also needed to be smart — really smart — but not, like, so smart that she made me feel stupid. And, of course, she needed to be spiritually mature (you know, like me). And one more thing: I wanted her to have a cool and fun personality (whatever that meant). In other words, I wanted to date the perfect Christian girl — not a real woman. Of course, I knew what a real woman was like. I grew up in a Christian home with lots of real women around, each of them imperfect in one way or another, yet fully feminine. These women had opinions, unshakable faith, curves, feelings, hormonal surges, weight fluctuations, talents, wrinkles and a regular need for affirmation. It didn't bother me: It was part of who they were, and I loved them for it. But when it came to prospective mates, I wasn't so gracious. I figured I deserved to have the best qualities of every woman wrapped into a nice package, waiting at the end of a rainbow. And yet, despite meeting dozens of women in my quest, I could never find that perfect, Christian girl. But that didn't stop me from looking for her — until I discovered that, in fact, I wasn't the perfect Christian guy. Dealing With Reality Just before meeting my lovely bride, a series of unfortunate circumstances and poor decisions collided, bringing out my worst (seriously, trust me, it was ugly). When the train wreck was over, I felt I would be lucky if any Christian woman would take me. Though it may sound like it, I wasn't suffering from low self-esteem. I was finally dealing with reality. Before, I assumed my future wife should have the perfect intellect, teeth, personality, body type, people skills and past. But in the face of my brokenness, it occurred to me: An imperfect guy can't demand something from a woman that he can't give. Learning Humility Around the time of that revelation, I met my wife at a party on Capitol Hill. Unlike before, I didn't think, I'll consider taking that girl out. I thought, I wonder if she would go out with me. I cautiously introduced myself, and as we talked, I found myself focusing on her qualities, rather than mentally trying to ferret out her deficiencies. We eventually began dating, and I continued humbling myself — indeed, enjoying myself — leaving her feeling comfortable, honored and beautiful. As our relationship progressed, I found myself looking up at her, seeing her as a daughter of the King rather than looking down on her as another prospective contestant. Essentially, I was loving her for who she was, leaving behind my job as a self-appointed judge in an impossible-to-win pageant. I pursued her all the way to the altar, and I'm still pursuing her today. Are You Man Enough? To those single guys out there who are trying to find the ideal woman, do the world a favor and give up. You're not the ideal man — not anywhere close. And you would never get married if women held you to the same standard you apply to them. But maybe you insist that you're not going to settle for a woman who's not everything you're hoping for in a wife. Settle? Whatever the circumstances, believe me, she will be the one who settles for you and all your deficits. And until you realize this — through humbling circumstances or otherwise — maybe you should take a break from dating for a while and spend some time asking God to make you man enough to love a real woman.           by Joshua Rogers Enjoy your day!

Is a Romantic Man the Best Kind of Man?

We all know what infatuation is, and how detrimental it can be to a marriage. Love is so much deeper than outer appearances, and it is also deeper than . . . romance!    

 
It's great to find a guy who appreciates what the Roman's did, hence the coining of the word, "romance". It is defined by Wiktionary.com as: "A strong obsession or attachment for someone" and "a mysterious and fascinating quality."
What problems arise if you are only attracted to your man because he is romantic? Or in other words, what problems arise when a marriage is ordained simply on the basis of a romantic love?

IT'S FRUSTRATING!
If you have built your marriage around romance, or if you love your man simply because he is romantic, you have already built unrealistic expectations! You are in a sense living in an emotional bubble where everything is roses and kisses and everything is just peachy keen and every wish and expectation is filled. In this type of marriage, both marriage mates end up frustrated because situations are never handled properly because of poor and impaired judgement, and a lack of self-control in various degrees.
Yes, when one is married because of romantic reasons, one can expect too much. And when expectations are not met, they view the marriage as a failure! They don't even work at it in the way they should! You could say: THEY MISSED THE WHOLE POINT!

IT'S DISHONEST!
A woman who marries a man simply because of romantic ideas is a woman tempted to be dishonest. After all, she is dishonest with herself when it comes to marriage, so why shouldn't she be dishonest about other things?
Yes, this is the woman who goes to great lengths to make herself appear beautiful and appealing, perhaps resorting to plastic surgery or other types of padding or implants to make her figure more "appealing". She fools herself and everyone looking at her. She is the type of woman who only says things because it's what her man wants to hear, rather than telling the truth. She is every man's worst nightmare.
And this goes for the man too, especially in areas of money. A man who marries because of romance tends to lie about his income and other issues.

AND ROMANCE IS NOT REAL AFFECTION!
Any real woman who is married to a real man who is not necessarily "romantic" (and she will admit it) knows that he is truly affectionate - and even more affectionate than any man who claims to be romantic could be!
True affection comes from being unselfish, and it is reflected in all the small areas of life, including the way your man treats you (and vice versa), talks to you, and the little things he does for you on a daily basis. This unselfish love is also reflected in the bedroom, because the focus is not so much on self and how one looks or performs, but the focus is on loving and showing appreciation for one's mate.
Yes, marrying a man simply because he is "romantic" is not the way to go. You've got to go a little deeper than that, ladies!

What Type of Women Do Real Men Want?

 

A real man has charisma, passion, confidence, and reliability.

A real man is not afraid to show his emotions, because he is secure in himself.

A real man knows what he wants from life, and always puts his woman first.

A real man knows how to treat his woman, and will go out of his way for her. You can put all of your faith in a real man, because he will not fail you.

Although these type of men sound like they are from a fairytale, they do exist. The question is, what type of woman do they want?

A real man wants the type of woman that isn't afraid to be herself. He wants the best of both worlds, he wants a woman that can be "one of the boys", yet still have class, and feminine attributes. They want a woman that will not sit still and quiet around their family and friends, but add life to the party and be outgoing. They want a woman that is not afraid to get dirty when they want to go fishing, or go to other outdoor settings. He wants a woman who has spunk, that is not afraid to speak her mind.

Men like this don't want a delicate flower. They don't want their woman to have the characteristics of a helpless feeble fairy tale princess. They want a strong woman who knows what she wants from life that can take care of herself. They want a woman that is determined, who will fight for what she loves and believes in no matter what. While men like this don't want their women to role out of bed and throw on a stained shirt and start the day, looks don't matter to them that much.

Real men know that inner beauty is what really matters.

You should always be the real you, you should never hide who you truly are for anyone. Next time you go out on a date, it may be with a real man. Before you walk out the door, leave all of your insecurities behind. Be yourself, because who you are is beautiful.
 

         Enjoy your Day......... 

Top 10 Dating Tips for a Successful Date

1. Plan.
Waiting until the last minute may make things spontaneous - or disastrous. Plan your date in advance, set expectations and ensure your date is in agreement. Know how to get there, where to park, when things are open, etc. Look like you know how to make things happen seamlessly.

2. Appropriateness.
Make sure what you've picked out and/or suggested has some relevance to what this person might actually enjoy. Doing something you both enjoy will go a long way towards relationship building.

3. Sensitivity.
If your date happens on a weeknight, don't select a movie ending at 11.00 p.m. The more solutions you've prepared for in advance, the less anxious your date will be. This clearly shows your thoughtfulness.

4. Respect.
Sure, she or he really looks great and you're more impressed as the evening goes along. However, don't push physical attraction too soon. You could be making a serious mistake if you attempt to manhandle her or him.

5. Listen.
Listening is very important at any stage of dating or a relationship. Show her or him you know them better at the end of the date, than you did at the beginning.

6. Stay Light.
Do something positive you both can share in, without it being embarrassing. Select something appealing to your date; i.e., go to a water park if she or he likes water, or an outdoor rock concert if they like the performers. Perhaps, see a romantic comedy or take a hike. Whatever you're doing, don't sit and talk about your exes, troubled kids, etc. These are conversation topics which will come later if the relationship progresses.

7. Connect.
Make a real effort to find commonalities. Listen and learn a little about each other's childhood and past. See if your values and life's outlook are similar. This is an excellent exploration period.

8. Anticipate.
As always, you should look your best. A light kiss at the end of the night that promises more…someday...is sexier than a lip scrunching passionate kiss that surprises your date and possibly puts him or her off.

9. Laugh.
Laughter is bonding, infectious and attractive. If you're going to the movies, ensure the film's funny; if going to a comedy club, know the comedians are funny; or go roller skating and laugh at yourselves. Laughter is a great release for any nervousness.

10. Show Appreciation.
Acknowledge someone's kindness, thoughtfulness or generosity. Don't assume anything and don't come off as being spoiled. Verbally let them know their hard work, planning or good humor didn't go unnoticed. And, make yourself an irresistible choice for future dates.

YOU TOO CAN MAKE IT WORK

Why is it that the same Man, the same Woman that you can’t do without during your days of courtship now turns out to be something else few years after marriage? I kept wondering because it seems there is more to Dis than what we see with our physical eyes. Stress- free marriage is possible and that’s all I believe. Singles need to plan and seek knowledge from people who have gone ahead and had a better story to tell. Marriage is not all about physical appearance, money or fame but much more than that. Folks your reasons for getting married should be base on making it work for others to see. Imagine a man beating his wife with a mopping stick just because she forgot to wash his clothes before he came back from work. This same woman has been busy taking care of the house, preparing his food and the children. Please look before you leap to avoid falling.  Be ready to pay extra-ordinary price for knowledge to know what it takes to enjoy stress- free marriage. Nothing empowers like insight. Nobody can help you without you. Everything about you is as permitted by you. If you fail it is your fault and if you succeed it is your entire fault. Why don’t you ask your self these questions?Was marriage created for problem?If not what was it created for?What was God’s intention?Stress free marriage is possible!!!!!!!!!! Believe me some people are having it Heaven on Earth. 

What's the key to successful relationships?

Here, Susan Quilliam reveals the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

God bless you

INGREDIENTS TO A LASTING, SATISFYING AND REWARDING RELATIONSHIP

• Respect
• Loyalty
• Understanding
• Acceptance
• Support
• Partnership
• Attention
• Appreciation
• Presence
• Responsiveness
• Empathy
• Compassion
• Mindfulness
• Closeness / Emotional Intimacy
• Nurturing, TLC
• Companionship
• Affection
• Physical Intimacy, Consistent / Frequent Sexual Activity
• Intention
• Investment
• Stimulation

The key to creating a successful relationship lies in us minding what we are contributing to the relationship – good and bad. Sometimes even the good is bad… For example, if we are too nice, too helpful, too supportive, too available, too organized, etc. In our assessment of what we are contributing, we have to watch for the impact of our contribution. Is it enhancing and enriching our interactions and our overall relationship? Or, is it keeping our dynamics stuck and our relationship, and life, stagnant?

Pick a couple of ingredients you want to add to your relationship and start adding them to the mix!

Happy Succeeding!

REAL WOMAN TRICKS..........learn it

 Being a real woman is an art mostly pleasant, but demanding some skills and knowledge. As we all know, there are no ugly women, there are women who don’t know that they '’re beautiful. A woman is only what she makes it of herself. There are some tricks that make a woman the real one, and help her to bear that name proudly. These recommendations aren’t the rules. The only definite rule is the inner feeling of a woman that she is the one and the only, but never just one of a kind.

A real woman is independent. She’s always busy on her own business. It can be whatever – job, hobbies, interests. She has no time to deal with the problems and affairs of others. That doesn’t mean she is selfish and takes no compassion on others. She will always be there for her relatives and friends willing to listen to their complaints and to help.

A woman shouldn’t solve man’s problems. This prerogative is male . A man is the one supposed to take care of a woman.

A real woman can’t ever be had over the barrel. She is always well-dressed with her hair and make-up done. Be ready that anything can happen all of a sudden. You '’ll say it is hard to look nice all the time – for a real woman it’s a habit.

A woman should always stay calm and relaxed, behaving as if nothing in this world really troubles her. All the attacks of nerves and hysterics are not for public. You’  better never let them see you cry. Tears have a strong effect on men, but don’t abuse it.

Money shouldn’t become the necessity of real woman’s life. If she has money she spends it, when she is short of money she doesn’'t care, or just pretends she doesn'’t.

A real woman always has a couple of really good and expensive dresses in her wardrobe. They play the role of a parade costume for cases when it’s necessary to make an impression.

One can say there are only “must do” and “must have” for a so-called real woman. But there are many “free to do, or not to do” for her either. The most are provided by men who are ready to forgive her almost everything for just one charming smile, which is supposed to be saying “sorry”.

A woman can let herself be late. 10-15 minutes late is almost on time. 45 minutes –  he’ 'll be only glad that you finally appeared. It’s always better for a woman to be late, rather than to run in a hurry. Men tend to forgive a woman her mood swings, sudden changes of the decisions, promises forgotten and etc.

A real woman can let herself twist men round her little finger. She may stay mysteriously silent, complain that she’s bored, act stupid or start a passionate scientific argument. Nobody can make a woman answer a question if she doesn’t want to, and nobody can force her explain the reasons for doing/not doing this or that. Acting so capricious and unbalanced is a simple way to get a man attached to a woman. Don’t hesitate to make a man spend as much money on you as he can afford – he will never leave an object of capital investments.

A woman knows her worth, but makes everyone believe she’s priceless. Everything she does - she does it with elegance. She knows how to make men dance to her tune and she really enjoys it. She always stays independent, careless and free. She knows what she wants, and will never let anyone stay in her way. A real woman is quite self-confident not to care about the rumors or public opinion, holding her head up high.

If a woman wants to be a real one, she shouldn’t be afraid of changes and mistakes. It’s never too late to make another attempt.

God bless you

10 Qualities Of A Real Woman

There are many similarities here to what you’d find in a great man.  The qualities themselves aren’t gender specific, but the intricacies of them can be. The list of great qualities a woman can hold goes on and on, but here are a solid ten that mostly anyone can appreciate and respect.

1)  A Real Woman Is Confident

She is happy with herself and her own abilities.  She appreciates who she is as an individual, embraces her femininity, and is proud to be a woman.

2)  A Real Woman Is Honest And Upfront

She recognizes the destructiveness behind undisclosed expectations.  She’s straight forward and respectful about setting boundaries and the tempo of her relationships early on.

3)  A Real Woman Has A Healthy Handle On Her Emotions

She knows it’s OK to feel down, bummed out, or really shitty that one week out of the month, but more importantly she knows how to weather the storm correctly.  If there are any shortfalls on the emotional front she recognizes them and adjusts accordingly.

4)  A Real Woman Is Strong And Independent

She is determined, driven, and able to accomplish great feats.  Her ability to be so strong is derived from her own knowledge, intuition, and ambition.

5)  A Real Woman Has Patience

For herself and those around her she knows how to play it cool.  In the face of adversity she is able to tap the proper resources to conquer any problem, instead of just giving up.

6)  A Real Woman Shares The Right Amount Of Drama

She has the right amount of drama to share with her man.  Positive and negative.  A great man will be always be there for her (to listen and understand), but anything above and beyond a certain threshold she know’s to dish with her girlfriend’s and not with him.

7)  A Real Woman Has A Defined Purpose 

Whether personally or professionally, she has great goals and desires.  She knows that with the right amount of inspiration and motivation anything is possible, and is willing to do what it takes to make her dreams a reality.

8)  A Real Woman Is Secure

She’s comfortable in her own skin.  Jealousy, doubt, and fear go out the window because she is confident in herself and her choice in a partner – as well as her partners choice in her.

9)  A Real Woman Is There

She represents a strong link in the chain that holds those close to her together.  She embraces the many roles she plays and is actively present as a mother, wife or girlfriend, and friend.  When she’s needed the most, she is there.

10)  A Real Woman Values A Real Man

She appreciates and respects the value and worth of the men in her life.  She knows that part of being a great woman is recognizing and embracing the qualities of a great man.  She does not need a man in her life to be happy, but if she has one she stands by him.  She believes in his purpose and who he is – which makes going in the same direction with him that much easier.
A great routine to get into is an honest evaluation what you want out of partner and if you are also a good match with what you are looking for.
This list can be used as a great starting point but only you are able to determine the particulars and unique elements that work for you.
Also, remember to take a hard look at what you want from yourself.  It is very indicative of what you will move on to acquire in your life.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

There is a reason why you are here- i mean the very reason you exist and if you must discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you 've been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all) so how do you discovered your purpose in life? why there are many ways to do this, some of them are fairly involved, here is one of the simplest any one can do. The starting place must be with God and his eternal purpose for each life.

The most basic question everyone faces in life is why am i here? what is my Purpose? you cannot enjoy what you don't know until you understand his will and seek to be in it, you might not enjoy the best of God. where God wants you to end is what is called Desting. (Jer 29:11. Your purpose is the original Assignment you are designed to get done on Earth which is usually powered by an unquenchable passion for fulfillment and expression. On the other hand vision is the Revelation of God's Agenda and the involvement of Man. It can also be define as a divine insight into God's plan. 

The specific area in which that individual is selected to function. So many people have mistaken vision for Ambition. Vision is a divine insight into God's plan while Ambition is a strong desire of accomplishing a certain task or get certain goal done to please your able or personal desire.

Vision is God's rooted while Ambition is Man's rooted.

HOW DO I LOCATE MY VISION

• Demand
• Desire 
• Discovery

The more you are to this purpose and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you are here, you will find it resonate with you deeply. The word will seem to have a special energy to you and you will feel the energy whenever you read them. 

Discovering your purpose is the easiest part, the hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on your self to the point where you become that purpose. Your purpose is not something you do, it is the reasons you do things. if you are living on purpose, your capacity for putting up with failure, rejection, tedium etc will increase dramatically because you will have a very strong and compelling purpose. it will take a lot less of this obstacles to stop you in your tracks.

If you catch a great purpose within you and make excuses to do nothing with it (such as it is too general), then you will be the one burdened with the result of that choice. As long as you believe something outside must be the source of your motivation then nothing you do for yourself can motivate you. you will perpetually be waiting for the stove to give you heat before you will give it wood. The responsibility of taking action, for motivating yourself, for finding your purpose or living with one....... all lies within you alone. "There is no philosophy by which i can do a thing if i think i cannot.

God Bless You

GUESS WHAT WOMAN? YOU'RE GOING TO OVERTAKE!!!

Sometimes in life, the problem is not that we don’t have plans or clearly laid down goals but it just consistently seem that those goals are far from our reach.Yet, we are not getting younger and the seasons of our lives is constantly changing.

We seem to be at a standstill and everything around is stagnated. One evidence of things being stagnated is when you begin to see everyday alike and don’t even want to get out of the bed early in the morning. After all you say... what is going to be new and challenging in the day.
Some might seem to have everything working for them but sincerely, some aspects of our lives might seem to move while others are just the way they are.

Where is that area of your life where it seems that your mates or friends have gone ahead of you? It could be your career, ministry, relationship or marriage, child bearing and raising, spiritual development, finances and a host of others....

RELAX!

Sometime ago, I was walking on a straight long road and the Holy Spiit said to me that someone coming on a bike now will no doubt overtake me. So also when it comes to my life, he said my mates might have gone ahead of me in a car, but He’s going to take me on A FLIGHT!
And so he did and is still doing!

THAT IS WHAT I CALL THE OVERTAKING SPIRIT!

You might be the one attending all the marriage ceremonies and even being best lady and best man to countless of your friends...

You might be receiving a number of invitations for the launching of your friends companies and even offered employment there...

You might be invited to a number of naming ceremonies while you are still yet to have a child of your own...

Your friends might be inviting you to their houses for housewarming while you still live in a rented room or flat with your Parents.

You are still jumping from one bike to another while your mates have their own cars and are probably driven by their company’s driver...

The List is endless...

Now, here’s what the overtaking Spirit will do which is the Spirit of God according to Amos 9:13... Behold the days are coming says the Lord, that the plowman shall overtake the reaper,and the treader of grapes him who sows the seed; and the mountains shall drop sweet wine and all the hills shall melt (that is everything heretofore barren and unfruitful shall overflow with spiritual blessings)

SO WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU?

Have you ever witnessed a race? When the participants are about starting, they place one leg behind while the other stays in front. You know why, the leg at the back acts as a propeller and generator of the force needed to gain speed for the race altogether!

So, what am I saying? Your staying back and seemingly not advancing is only a set up to ensure that you gain adequate force and power for the race still ahead of you.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHILE WAITING?

This is a question on the minds of most people. Your time of waiting is not a time to remain physically stagnant doing nothing! It’s not the time for you to visit friends endlessly, wish time away and complain of boredom (that’s the language of those going nowhere).

It’s the time to keep accessing and re-accessing your strengths and giftings while working on shedding away your excesses.

It’s the time for you to attend quality seminars and conferences.

It’s the time to read and study voraciously ( because you don’t get to read all that you need to; on the field. You only put into action what you have read.)

Another area people miss it is not doing anything at all. God says that whatever your hands find to do, DO IT! That is why I’ld like you to go through the particular issue confronting you presently, and take the action part of it while you see God perfect all in his own time. Always remember that God is never late.

For instance, do you believe God for a baby? The action part is for you to start buying your baby things and reading books on pregnancy and motherhood.

Is it for a job? Start out with anything no matter how menial. You can also take a daring step further by offering to work for free in any place there’s no vacancy.

Is it for a marriage? Take the action path by getting to window shop, ask for prices, fix a date, start hard!
Bottom line, whatever the challenge before you.... TAKE THE ACTION PATH OF IT! That is what you do while ‘’waiting’’ and watch God breathe on your efforts!

In conclusion, keep your eyes focused on your desires. PRAY and PRAY, Refuse to reason with the devil and his suggestions. Rather reason with God! He might seem to take time from our own level of human reasoning but trust him... he knows what He’s doing.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Because I see you overtaking. You know why? He did it and is still doing it in an undeniable way for me and because we are heirs together of the same promise and God is not a respecter of persons, your’s will not be an exception.

Love you.

Written by Bukola Adeolu-Dele

A REAL WOMAN

      A Real Woman......

…is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

…values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge. (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6)

…realizes her imperative need to allow the Holy Spirit to control her emotions and expressions of them. (James 1:19-20)

…does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy. (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)

A real woman . . .
…appreciates her father’s protection, and respects and submits to his authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband. (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2)

…is trustworthy and gains the respect of those around her. (Proverbs 31:11)

…restrains herself from listening to, or participating in gossip, but instead speaks with wisdom and discretion. (Proverbs 11:12-13, 22, 20:19, 3:11)

…encourages and builds up those around her instead of criticizing and tearing them down. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29)

…does not have a nagging, contentious or manipulative manner in which she deals with others. (Judges 16:16, Proverbs 21:9, 19, 26:21)

…is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)

A real woman . . .
…portrays chastity, modesty and reverence in her manner, and wears the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is her true beauty. (1 Peter 3:3-4, Titus 2:4-5)

…is not offended by respect shown her through gentlemanly courtesies (opening doors, etc.) but cultivates the differences between the sexes that make her worthy of this deference. (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 10:6)

…seeks to make God her number one desire and the Lover of her soul, knowing that only He can fully satisfy. (Psalm 73:25, Psalm 63:1)

…uses her years of singleness to seek and serve God without distraction, and is content to leave the details of her future to Him. (Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11)

A real woman . . .
…does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves all her passion for her future husband. (Thessalonians 4:3-8, Proverbs 6:25, 1 Corinthians 7:1)

…holds her virginity before marriage sacred and will not compromise it for anything. (This one goes for guys too)
(1 Timothy 5:22)

What characteristics make a real woman?

A real woman has a strong character. She has respect for herself and others. She is compassionate and caring. She is loyal and faithful. She knows how to forgive. She knows how to comport herself in a descent manner. A real woman does not get drunk and make a fool of herself in public. A real woman takes care of her family and respects her husband. A real woman do not cuss or use obscenity.

Being gentle and well-mannered has nothing to do with weakness. Many would disagree that such women may no longer exist, but they do. Really. It's all in the values.